Lyrics

Phoenix

Wearing a helmet but I’m breaking my teeth
Picking roses on a battlefield
My body armoured but I’m breaking my bones
Can’t reach the stars without leaving home

I’d blow up the moon just to turn the tide
What’s good being king if you need to hide
Hiding from myself or hiding from you
Only God knows what I should do

On every corner I see Jesus’ face
Yet nobody knows and nobody cares
We’ve been dying all along
The phoenix rises while we die alone

Like a phoenix I will rise again...

Every morning I find myself
Reinventing the dream that keeps me alive
A ‘tall tale’ story for my heart to beat
So nobody knows my big defeat

Like a phoenix I will rise again...

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Attawapiskat

Dragging my empty soul through the hostile street
I’m walking upside down with my head on my feet
It’s like that dream where I can’t move
And when I shout your name you slowly fade away

Every night I have that tunnel vision for dying
I see myself falling apart again

Every night it happens
Every night I die
I wash away the pain with a gun in my hand
I have a thousand dreams so I can fill up that hole
I have a loaded gun for my twisted soul

Every night I have that tunnel vision for dying
I see myself falling apart again

And the gods, they betrayed me
High in the sky, they only laughed at me

I’m shooting arrows to the sky
But what if gods don’t die
Am I shouting at nothing?
Am I living in a lie?

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Exorcism

Did I wake the devil,
or you instead?
Did I wake the demons
inside your head?

There never was
a beast under the bed
The monster was waiting
in my head

He’s been lying there for years
tearing me apart
Controlling my thoughts
and the beating of my heart

Let it out…

Did I wake the devil,
or you instead?
Did I wake the demons
inside your head?

Killed by boredom
that fatal disease
Quenching the fire
between the sheets

Corroded heartache
eroded grief
I nail up the door
so you can’t leave

Let it out…
And take it all away…

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Already Lost

I’m already lost
I’m already broken
The absence of you
Makes me feel frozen

The story’s untold
The words unwritten
You and me together
Forever forbidden

Will you fall?
Or will you rise?
Will you lead me to paradise?
Will you show me the highest mountain?
Will it turn out fine?

I don’t believe in heaven
But I do believe in you
Even though heaven seems as far away as you
Open your eyes
Can’t you see
I’m yearning for the angel that you used to be

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Rome

Dressed to kill but still feeling naked
Black tie, white tie, and faking your smile
Walking the streets of the ancient city
It only took an hour to burn it to the ground

Now watch your move before you enter the void
The concrete will swallow your heart and soul
Get lost in the vacuum of space and time
Watch the Roman soldiers in the neon light

And the city becomes your mind
And your mind becomes the city

And the city is burning down
And your mind becomes a ruin

And the Gods left ages ago
They won’t hear you calling

Ruin after ruin, they built the city
A labyrinth for your soul to lose its way
It’s a ghost town and your mind is on fire
You’re ready to fall dawn just like the Roman Empire

A million souls in a million cars
Stuck in the traffic for a million years
The joke is on you with your head on fire
Lost in the echo of a fallen empire

And the city becomes your mind
And your mind becomes the city

And the city is burning down
And your mind becomes a ruin

And the Gods left ages ago
They won’t hear you calling

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An old man’s song
(inspired by ‘De Klacht van den Oude’ by Willem Elsschot)

Can’t get used to getting old
The fire burns deep in my bones
And it haunts me every night.

How I tried to be a better me
Wasted my hole life
Trying to believe

But I have to confess
That I am just a mess
There’s no soul
To fill up that hole

It doesn’t ease my conscious
Singing holy words
Don’t need no country
Don’t need no lord

But for every girl
I would sell my soul
In a life of sin
Is where I begin

I know it’s a crime
But I don’t give a dime
I ditch my house and wife
For a sinners’ life

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Falling

Sometimes at night
I feel alone
As if my heart stops beating

Sometimes at night
I feel alone
It feels like falling
Into the deep

Sometimes at night
I see myself
Falling
Into the deep

It feels likes crying
But I’ve got no tears to weep
It feels like dying
Dying in my sleep

My life is on hold
But I keep dreaming
It feels like falling
Into the deep

I’m gonna find my way
Back to the surface
I’m gonna find my way
I’m gonna find you

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Hope is for dreamers

When did it start hitting me
Dreams are not meant to be
The man I used to be
Is just a shadow from the past

My hopes and dreams fade away
Midlife crisis comes early today
Something I was hoping for just died

When did I start losing myself
When did I start losing you
When did it start hitting me
Life has no clue

I’m way beyond my highest peak
Midlife crisis comes early this week
Something I was hoping for just died

When did it start hitting me
Dreams are not meant to be
The man I used to be
Is just a shadow from the past

My mind is filled with anger and fear
Midlife crisis comes early this year
Something I was hoping for just died

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Bruised

Thinking about a bullet in my head
Or twenty sleeping pills to make it comfy in bed
But then I think about the mess it would make
I wish I could leave without a trace

Hey little monkey
Trying to hide
Hey little devil living inside
Monkey see monkey do
Yeah I know where you are
I want to break it, I want to smash it, I want to tear it apart

All you had to do was to push me once more
I didn’t even know I had the anger in store
But when you finally knew how to find your way in
You released the devil living within

Hey little monkey
Trying to hide
Hey little devil living inside
Monkey see monkey do
Yeah I know where you are
I want to break it, I want to smash it, I want to tear it apart

How can we
How can we forget
Sometimes I really do but now I don’t want to live
Tonight it feels like I don’t have a heart
I want to break it, I want to smash it, I want to tear it apart

And the devil…
And the devil inside me

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Sunflower Sutra

But I still turn
My head to the sun
Still look at where it began
How it fell apart
How you broke my heart

But I’m still standing strong
Because this is where I belong
With my face covered in dust
Still facing the sun

Does it make you cry?
When you ask yourself why?
Are you still facing the sun?
Are you still having your fun?

And that’s how it goes
It’s the way things look from below
In the shadow, pushing my rock
Upon that hill

Does it make you cry?
When you ask yourself why?
Are you still facing the sun?
Are you still having your fun?

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Harvest moon

There's a bag full of memories
And a bag full of lies
And then things get mixed up
So why would you act surprised?

And you know that I'm dying inside
And I know that you feel the same
But there's nothing left to save
You rolled the dice and lost the game

Hear me crying out at the harvest moon like a moondog
Do you hear me crying out your name

It's a cruel game we're playing
And we both know it's a lie
It always ends the same
With just another lonely night

Hear me crying out at the harvest moon like a moondog
Do you hear me crying out your name

You reap what you sow...

("But they never teach you how hard the pavement is." - Charles Bukowski)

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Tension

Every day I think about it
And every night I watch myself die
I just can’t go around it
Staying alive was biggest lie

Am I back among the living
Or back among the dead
Did I wake up from the nightmare stuck inside my head

This is what is happening to me
I can see the lies
High in the sky
Heaven waits for me
Like the promises you made

But there’s no tomorrow
And there’s no today
We feel the tension rising
While the past fades away

I won’t wait anymore...
I won’t wait any longer

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Cold fever

I count the seconds
I count the days
I see them coming
Before they slip away
I count the nights
I count my dreams
I'm forever lost
In eternal sleep

1, 2, 3, 4...

You said the words like a promise
But you really told me lies
You said the words like a promise
But they really were just lies

Dark clouds in the distance
Shades of doubt like a thunderstorm
Dark thoughts cloud my vision
Cold fever in my darkest hour

You said the words like a promise
But you really told me lies
You said the words like a promise
But they really were just lies

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Silent Call

Swallow away all your fears
Don’t you choke on your tears
I know you’ve done it
A million times before

Erase my face, erase my name
Strike through the shame
Fill in the blanks with your never ending grace

Poison runs through your veins
You play hide and seek
Before you kill me in silence

Your own fear turns you inside out, back and forth
You can’t escape your own whispering haunting call

Your silence is killing me
You destroy me piece by piece
Your heart and soul are made of stone
Like the bricks of the wall that keeps me outside
Outside your world

And you whisper my name...

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System Failure

We fought our ghosts
We fought our demons
We build our castle on the ruins of the past

But then the now
Became eternity somehow
We can’t escape what we left behind

Please unchain me
Can’t you release me
Please take away this all-consuming doubt
Please unchain me
Can’t you release me
Please take away this all-consuming doubt

You know I tried so hard
But I will fail you
You know I tried so hard
But I will hurt you

I know you tried so hard
But you will fail me
I know you tried so hard
But you will let me down

We’re wide eyed dreamers
Yet we couldn’t see
The nightmare lurking
Deep inside of me

I couldn’t help you
I couldn’t help myself
We saw it fade away
Like liquid in our hands

Please unchain me
Can’t you release me
Please take away this all-consuming doubt
Please unchain me
Can’t you release me
Please take away this all-consuming doubt

You know I tried so hard
But I will fail you
You know I tried so hard
But I will hurt you

I know you tried so hard
But you will fail me
I know you tried so hard
But you will let me down

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Detached

Falling in love means falling apart
It always ends up with a broken heart
It’s been fifteen years since I’ve written these words
But now they remind me of how it still hurts

It’s the same story with a different twist
That same old song in a different mix
It would be a shame if we didn’t try
It would be a shame if we let it die

I was on fire
But I forgot how it burns
I wanted to hold you
But I said the wrong words
I wanted you too much and too fast
And then it was over before it could last
I tried to climb your mountain but I took the fall
I pushed you away because I wanted it all

(In my heart a brutal beating)

First you learn how to forget
It becomes easy
Then you learn not to regret
You destroy the pieces

I’m detached from your gravity
I’m floating into space
A million falling stars around me
I can wish whatever I want

Will you catch me when I fall

Will you catch me when I fall in love again

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All lyrics by John Wolf

(Pictures by Ghilain Vermeersch)